I wish it is for real.

Ah, I realized how easy it is to feel loved without me trying hard.

It doesn't need me to flask back everything to find clues.

How pathetic that was Haha.

And now, Life is so good that I moved on well and thanks, for everything.

:)

I didn't really want to hide anything.

Feeling happy recently other than stress from tonnes of past year questions.

Two more weeks to the real A2 exam which I have been longing for.

I wanted to finish it so badly so that I am more secured with my future.

I couldn't live without knowing and planning my future, its like not having a tomorrow.

I always do my best to avoid gossips from people.

I know how it can kill even you just did a minor mistake.

I can't imagine if this happens on me one day, so I stop myself from gossiping.

I don't understand why people judge so much when its none of their business.

They don't feel good by only judging, they even spread it like some awful disease.

I know how interesting it is to gossip but at the same time, you don't know how much it kills people.

I am doing something which I don't approve before.

If my friends stop sharing their things with me, then it is all my fault.

I no longer want to spread it as I was stopped before.

I lost the courage to expose when people around me tried to hide it.

Its not that easy to have the courage. It needs a lot of effort.

Don't ever ask me to hide anything from my loved ones, I can blame myself for don't know how long. 

I think I am not as stressful and hardworking as I was in AS, I am afraid that God might punish me in some ways.

I don't want it, I will make it up, please.

Ah, praying very hard!

Its never easy.

If hurting has to be done to grow, I rather not grow.

I don't understand why people only care about themselves when they claim that they love you.

I guess this love isn't that deep.

It doesn't last too.

I hate it when people do everything to make you trust them, and they break it at last.

Hurt doesn't occur on people who gain trust.

I don't ask for your understanding, I do not want to care at this moment.

I always think emotions can be controlled, so well I am trying.

I know if I care, I'd lose the perfect outcome which I wanted at first, before everything exist.

Its always hard to feel that secured.

If we can make a deal to have a not-breaking-up-ever relationship, how safe could it be.

And I realized I am trying to hide the old me.

Perfect for myself

I don't know how to be perfect when someone is there, willing to do all kind of things for me.
I learn to play all roles in my life perfectly.
I do not want to let anyone down, if you know me.
But its so hard to be perfect to someone who loves you because you thought he'd accept everything of you.
One thing I know is that I can never be a perfect girlfriend.

I do not know what a perfect girlfriend is, because when you can do it well, people lose interest.
You may be perfect to him, but not for another him.

So well, at least I am always trying to be perfect for myself.

I think I am too flexible.

I am always so annoyed when there is noise pollution.
U wake me up from sleep, u spoil my mood for the whole day.
I felt that right now. Inti has a lot of dengue cases and there is fogging almost everyday.
And where I am staying has most mosquito (I think), and my hostel building is the longest among all, so the noise of fogging make me feel so fucked up everyday.
I understand its a must-do work, I also am glad that the school is trying to prevent more cases.
But why can't we reduce the noise so that everyone is happy? Hmm. -.-

Something was stuck in my throat these few days.
I am feeling so nervous and irritated for the exam, maybe.
Ahh. God bless me please.

I know expectation kills.
I know I would have to keep this in mind, so that I don't hurt myself, or anyone who is relevant.

Most of the time when you stop me from doing something, you eventually erase it from my mind.
And then I changed, I'd no longer be that old me.

Never felt so light. Lol!

Aww.
I am not sure whether this is a good or bad sign that thing comes when I least expected it.
I didn't expect my one and a half year in Inti would be so.... amazing?
What I can say is I am really very glad that I have put down all the unnecessary burden that I used to carry with me.
Shouldn't be like that, so I promised myself to make a change.
And yes, I never failed to fulfill every promises of mine so far. :)

Thank you because I have been sleeping well, enjoying my life and studying well at the same time.
I guess my life cannot be better anymore.
Surrounded by love and awesome people, I am more than satisfy and thankful.

God please spread this all over the world, they are flooding me! :)