有个朋友亲手做了一个小手工送给我,是个可以穿在原子笔盖上的装饰.
是个榴莲的形状.
我问她为什么送我榴莲,她要我自己想象.
后来从她口中证实,在她眼里的我其实很像榴莲.
我有一些些郁闷,觉得浑身是刺实在不是什么好东西.
我不知道我的内在是不是也和榴莲一样:
有人很喜欢,吃不到的时候会很想念. 也有人不敢碰,甚至敬而远之.
我不敢问那位朋友.
老实说,我真的不愿意承认.
如果真的如我所想,那我是不是其实很难以接近.
也有一些不近人情.
再加上长满刺的外表,我的天啊.
是不是应该随和一点?
其实很多时候我觉得自己格格不入
跟很多人比较起来我很无趣.
就算有天马行空的想法,有可以负荷刺激的心脏,
我还是很循规蹈矩.
这就是为什么我不屑永远不敢冒险的人.
因为这个不屑,我才不会太循规蹈矩,太浪费我的心脏和想法.
至少我知道在我心底深处,有个很勇敢,很渴望冒险,很愿意抛开面子的小鬼.
有一天当我不再需要是爸爸妈妈的乖孩子的时候,我可以不循规蹈矩.
当然,我希望这不是借口.
我不喜欢浪费时间.
所以常常很多时候,我知道我让身边的人很有压迫感.
我不喜欢浪费食物.
在我盘里的,属于我的,就是我的责任.
就好像你会好好照顾你的家人,你的东西,你的感觉一样.
况且浪费食物会为你带来什么好处?
我想这些是我身上长满刺的原因.
我从来没有尝试过很疯狂的游戏,没有做过很幼稚无聊的举动.
我也从来不知道自己是不是可以胜任.
我希望自己可以有很多不同层面,用不同的自己跟不同的人相处,
用不同的心理去理解每一个人.
我不想小气,不想无聊,不想爱面子,不想像有强迫症.
只是你越浪费,我越要把每一粒米饭都吃完.
只是你越幼稚,想要考验我的度量,我越生气.
可能大家做一些事情都没有理由,都只是跟着感觉走.
我还是相信每一个人都有潜意识,都有会驱使自己做某一件事的动力.
我只是想要知道这每一件事情的背后,到底是哪一种潜意识.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Talk to me.
Damage of my phone's speaker made me a paranoid.
I blame myself for eating too much, studying too little, wasting time on something meaningless & sleeping too much, almost everyday.
but seriously, i now can find happiness easier more than ever.
I am not giving myself too much stress. :)
When she says she has too much to be done, increase her oxytocin level.
Talk to her & listen to her more, if you are the one she loves.
I blame myself for eating too much, studying too little, wasting time on something meaningless & sleeping too much, almost everyday.
but seriously, i now can find happiness easier more than ever.
I am not giving myself too much stress. :)
When she says she has too much to be done, increase her oxytocin level.
Talk to her & listen to her more, if you are the one she loves.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Bi- is the best!
I'm like so tired after every Tuesday class. -.-
I force myself to sleep every Monday night, worrying that if i don't get enough sleep, i can't focus in class.
So i end up staying awake after few hours lying on bed.
Everything is done, i am sleepy, but i can't sleep.
I think something is wrong in me.
It is unfair.
How do you know you are actually homosexual, heterosexual or bisexual?
Your sex judge you.
And the world doesn't really allow you to have your own choice.
How many persons out there are actually hiding this secret & spent their miserable life with someone they don't love deeply?
Just be brave, get what you want, and this is not a shame.
I believe there will be a moment that same sex marriage is legal worldwide.
at least, don't forbid people of same sex from falling in love.
nobody wants to be a shame (which is judged by some people), nobody wants to be abnormal.
God makes them, so why could you despise them?
Ellen DeGeneres & Portia de Rossie
Sometimes you get something that your partner of opposite sex can never do for you, and you get it from someone of your same sex.
Sometimes a hug from an opposite sex is complicated, a hug from your same sex is simple & most importantly, you know it gives you all you need.
Lol, i always think once you're in love with someone of your sex, you don't want to leave.
They always understand you better.
Of course, you understand them too.
So what is wrong with that? :)
I sound like a lesbian? LOL.
I force myself to sleep every Monday night, worrying that if i don't get enough sleep, i can't focus in class.
So i end up staying awake after few hours lying on bed.
Everything is done, i am sleepy, but i can't sleep.
I think something is wrong in me.
It is unfair.
How do you know you are actually homosexual, heterosexual or bisexual?
Your sex judge you.
And the world doesn't really allow you to have your own choice.
How many persons out there are actually hiding this secret & spent their miserable life with someone they don't love deeply?
Just be brave, get what you want, and this is not a shame.
I believe there will be a moment that same sex marriage is legal worldwide.
at least, don't forbid people of same sex from falling in love.
nobody wants to be a shame (which is judged by some people), nobody wants to be abnormal.
God makes them, so why could you despise them?
Ellen DeGeneres & Portia de Rossie
Sometimes you get something that your partner of opposite sex can never do for you, and you get it from someone of your same sex.
Sometimes a hug from an opposite sex is complicated, a hug from your same sex is simple & most importantly, you know it gives you all you need.
Lol, i always think once you're in love with someone of your sex, you don't want to leave.
They always understand you better.
Of course, you understand them too.
So what is wrong with that? :)
I sound like a lesbian? LOL.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
You are.
Just before time, Happy birthday Ho Hsien Ying. :)
This girl is awesome.
How awesome?
She proved me that i can be a little girl at times, after a few months we knew each other.
She loses control at times, so i can be a big girl in another way.
When she says 'Don't bother because it doesn't matter', i trust her.
She is true, and cute.
She loves sausages by the way, so she ended up get a birthday cake like this.
Hee :) yep, those standing behind the white chocolate are sausages.
It actually tasted so nice, Tiramisu and cheesy sausages! :D
And she has been longing for 18th, so here it is!
Happy birthday, lovess!
:)
I knew wanting a couple to break up is something really evil.
I never really wanted to do this.
but i admit i am seriously happy that, finally you're back!
I did think that she actually snapped you away from me.
You are like my big bro, once and always.
I will get a promise from you, no matter who your girlfriend is in the future, please, she can't get jealous of me.
and finally, you are back.
Those time that you gave me a cool face, a wave instead of a smiling face & a Hi are all gone.
Don't let it ever come back.
I can't take it.
I am sure you didn't know how sad i was.
But finally, you are back!
Sorry i didn't mean to nag, i do not know what to do most of the time.
I appreciate everything, but we want something different for the future.
And i am just not like you, i can't be as easy as you, you know i am not good in being not so serious.
I am sorry, just i am sorry.
I am trying not to screw them up, and at the same time not to forget what i promised myself at first.
Sorry for not giving much as what i received, i knew it.
I just need some time, some space, perhaps.
And i thank you guys a lot, for making so much fun for me.
And too, squeezed out all my first times. Thank you.
:)
You know who you are. :)
This girl is awesome.
How awesome?
She proved me that i can be a little girl at times, after a few months we knew each other.
She loses control at times, so i can be a big girl in another way.
When she says 'Don't bother because it doesn't matter', i trust her.
She is true, and cute.
She loves sausages by the way, so she ended up get a birthday cake like this.
Hee :) yep, those standing behind the white chocolate are sausages.
It actually tasted so nice, Tiramisu and cheesy sausages! :D
And she has been longing for 18th, so here it is!
Happy birthday, lovess!
:)
I knew wanting a couple to break up is something really evil.
I never really wanted to do this.
but i admit i am seriously happy that, finally you're back!
I did think that she actually snapped you away from me.
You are like my big bro, once and always.
I will get a promise from you, no matter who your girlfriend is in the future, please, she can't get jealous of me.
and finally, you are back.
Those time that you gave me a cool face, a wave instead of a smiling face & a Hi are all gone.
Don't let it ever come back.
I can't take it.
I am sure you didn't know how sad i was.
But finally, you are back!
Sorry i didn't mean to nag, i do not know what to do most of the time.
I appreciate everything, but we want something different for the future.
And i am just not like you, i can't be as easy as you, you know i am not good in being not so serious.
I am sorry, just i am sorry.
I am trying not to screw them up, and at the same time not to forget what i promised myself at first.
Sorry for not giving much as what i received, i knew it.
I just need some time, some space, perhaps.
And i thank you guys a lot, for making so much fun for me.
And too, squeezed out all my first times. Thank you.
:)
You know who you are. :)
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
骗自己
以前我总是觉得,每个人做每一件事,都有一个目的,一个理由.
可是其实很多时候,每个人都只是跟着感觉走
就是让自己快乐.
我学着不去思考太多,不想象每个人都和我一样.
中学时的纪念册,一个朋友写了一些话让我生气了好久.
"每一个人做一件事都有他的理由.有些人选择表达出来,有些人选择不.
有时候不需要这么精明,骗自己,也当是为别人的行为找借口.
相信最重要.要互相信任,并百分之百相信那个很相信你的人."
那时候的我只看见"骗自己"三个字, 没有好好思考这位朋友想要表达的意思.
有些东西如果想要持久,适当的时候应该懵懂一点,也应该同意不完美就是完美.
我当时在想,如果每一个人在遭遇不平时都欺骗自己,那自欺欺人的那个人会越来越懦弱,还是越来越快乐?
你选择骗自己,又有几个人可以完全忘记,然后若无其事?
那么这种必须欺骗自己的情况会不会一次又一次地发生?
而且这位朋友不了解实情,她怎么可以批评我,好像我什么努力都没有尝试过?
她怎么知道我从来没有尝试过欺骗自己,只是我没有成功过?
现在我已经不生气.
也庆幸自己没有接受这个善意的劝告.
欺骗别人违反道德,欺骗自己又尚且不是?
有些假装只会让事情越演越烈,又怎么会有美好的结果呢.
或许为别人找借口是善意.
不需要这么精明也是生活中应该紧记的.
我由始至终不愿意接受骗自己这样的,保护任何东西的方法.
我勇敢,所以我选择面对.
虽然很多时候人选择欺骗自己,是在不得已的情况下.
我只是想说,"骗自己"虽然指标,但不治本.
多年以后,当你勇敢了,自己掀开回忆,你会后悔花了这么多时间和精力掩盖一切,欺骗自己.
而且在欺骗自己的同时,你欺骗了多少身边关心你的人.
只有勇敢面对,就算再难过,总是会雨过天晴.
至少,你不会看不起你自己.
可是其实很多时候,每个人都只是跟着感觉走
就是让自己快乐.
我学着不去思考太多,不想象每个人都和我一样.
中学时的纪念册,一个朋友写了一些话让我生气了好久.
"每一个人做一件事都有他的理由.有些人选择表达出来,有些人选择不.
有时候不需要这么精明,骗自己,也当是为别人的行为找借口.
相信最重要.要互相信任,并百分之百相信那个很相信你的人."
那时候的我只看见"骗自己"三个字, 没有好好思考这位朋友想要表达的意思.
有些东西如果想要持久,适当的时候应该懵懂一点,也应该同意不完美就是完美.
我当时在想,如果每一个人在遭遇不平时都欺骗自己,那自欺欺人的那个人会越来越懦弱,还是越来越快乐?
你选择骗自己,又有几个人可以完全忘记,然后若无其事?
那么这种必须欺骗自己的情况会不会一次又一次地发生?
而且这位朋友不了解实情,她怎么可以批评我,好像我什么努力都没有尝试过?
她怎么知道我从来没有尝试过欺骗自己,只是我没有成功过?
现在我已经不生气.
也庆幸自己没有接受这个善意的劝告.
欺骗别人违反道德,欺骗自己又尚且不是?
有些假装只会让事情越演越烈,又怎么会有美好的结果呢.
或许为别人找借口是善意.
不需要这么精明也是生活中应该紧记的.
我由始至终不愿意接受骗自己这样的,保护任何东西的方法.
我勇敢,所以我选择面对.
虽然很多时候人选择欺骗自己,是在不得已的情况下.
我只是想说,"骗自己"虽然指标,但不治本.
多年以后,当你勇敢了,自己掀开回忆,你会后悔花了这么多时间和精力掩盖一切,欺骗自己.
而且在欺骗自己的同时,你欺骗了多少身边关心你的人.
只有勇敢面对,就算再难过,总是会雨过天晴.
至少,你不会看不起你自己.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Another flower!
So, its Joe yee's 18th birthday!
I can't celebrate for her on time so just.. in advance.
I wanted to do something crazy something we can only do at the age of 18.
but, nobody is willing to help.
So i gave up with disappointment.
don't ask me what plan i had made, i am so ashamed to tell since i didn't carry it out successfully. -.-
Anna's kitchen in jb was the cafe wanted. Btw i took 1 hour to travel from Ksl city to the cafe. I drove. -.-
Ok but at the end i was hugged so tightly with lots of appreciation la! :D
Thanks for coming to Li yang and my little brother, good guys deserve good result in SPM & STPM! Haha!
The one & only one in the world. But they said mine is nicer! Lol.
Her happy face X)
My beauties. Bai & Eunice.
Before wearing high heels. With Li yang & Jing kai.
After wearing high heels. LOL
Wearing the heels we gave her!
"Xie xie ni. Today is really a big surprise. Both of them are two of the important guys in my life and both of you are the most important friends in my life. I feel touched. I love you. :)"
:D
I can't celebrate for her on time so just.. in advance.
I wanted to do something crazy something we can only do at the age of 18.
but, nobody is willing to help.
So i gave up with disappointment.
don't ask me what plan i had made, i am so ashamed to tell since i didn't carry it out successfully. -.-
Anna's kitchen in jb was the cafe wanted. Btw i took 1 hour to travel from Ksl city to the cafe. I drove. -.-
Ok but at the end i was hugged so tightly with lots of appreciation la! :D
Thanks for coming to Li yang and my little brother, good guys deserve good result in SPM & STPM! Haha!
The one & only one in the world. But they said mine is nicer! Lol.
Her happy face X)
My beauties. Bai & Eunice.
Before wearing high heels. With Li yang & Jing kai.
After wearing high heels. LOL
Wearing the heels we gave her!
"Xie xie ni. Today is really a big surprise. Both of them are two of the important guys in my life and both of you are the most important friends in my life. I feel touched. I love you. :)"
:D
Sunday, November 13, 2011
就好像，施比受更有福。
有些时候，你很羡慕别人的生命中，总是有贵人出现，并出手相助。
贵人也需要伯乐，常常你总是在一段时日以后才发现原来这个曾经在你生命中走过的，
就是你的贵人。
不管那个人付出多少，教会你多少，你由始至终不懂得珍惜和感激，他要怎么成为你的贵人？
谁规定贵人是那个为你带来大富大贵的人。
谁规定贵人是带你登上事业顶峰的人。
谁又规定贵人是让你一生一世不愁吃穿的人。
贵人往往是你身边，让你累积一点点生活经验，让你慢慢成长的人。
你的人生会有多少贵人？
每个人都希望自己遇到贵人，那么该由谁来成为别人的贵人？
贵人也需要伯乐，常常你总是在一段时日以后才发现原来这个曾经在你生命中走过的，
就是你的贵人。
不管那个人付出多少，教会你多少，你由始至终不懂得珍惜和感激，他要怎么成为你的贵人？
谁规定贵人是那个为你带来大富大贵的人。
谁规定贵人是带你登上事业顶峰的人。
谁又规定贵人是让你一生一世不愁吃穿的人。
贵人往往是你身边，让你累积一点点生活经验，让你慢慢成长的人。
你的人生会有多少贵人？
每个人都希望自己遇到贵人，那么该由谁来成为别人的贵人？
Monday, November 7, 2011
Eat up my laziness, then swallow it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST MOMMY!
-with lotsa love. :)
I'm not home due to the irritating public transport.
Travelling is not awesome at all.
Fml.
I'm lazy to do laundry, cooking & ironing my clothes.
I just want to sleep all day. -.-
Rotting, come and save me please my superman.
I hope i too have my baby or honey or whatever, like Princess F do.
So i will have something to look forward to everyday i climb up from bed.
Sleeping is not as awesome as what i think.
how good it is to not sleeping but i am still energetic.
DEC please come!!
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Hot blood!
因为[那些年，我们一起追的女孩]的播映，我读了九把刀的原著和其他几本书。
我没有九把刀莫名而来的无厘头自信（依照本人所说），但我有他的热血。
只不过我的热血不如他的沸腾。
好像生活中的美好，只要你有自信和热忱，就通通都会来到。
然后你用你的热血翻炒，这些美好就会香喷喷地，连你周遭的人都会闻得到。
大概这是为什么我和大家一样都喜欢九把刀。
白小姐早早和我约好要看这部电影，我还觉得这么浪漫的电影怎么不是和我的他跟她的他一同欣赏。
看了三次都没有成功看完的[那些年，我们一起追的女孩]小说，
以前总是会觉得自己的更精彩，现在因为电影上档，终于一鼓作气看完。
回味书中情节的时候，我灵光乍现。
任何关于青春和回忆这档事，白都希望有我在她的身边。
这是多么感人的事！
不要说我臭屁，还有谁比我更了解白小姐！
哈哈哈！
青春一去不回头，虽然我蛮期待看见自己脸上的第一条皱纹，
我还是希望我的青春可以长久一点！
当然，我的智慧会随着皱纹增多越来越增长！
谁说老女人不漂亮？
:D
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Everyone is unique in this world.
SEE! This is the best boiled egg i have ever eaten! :D
Okk i admit i accidentally made it, but it's nice!
The egg yolk is not really boiled, uhm its like 3/4 boiled?
I will make one for you. Tell me you like it.
Lol.
He said when you dream of somebody, it means that that somebody is actually missing you.
I bet you're missing me too much recently.
Don't let me know that you love me if you share love all around.
Thank you.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Oopss, its Nov.
Aww what to do when your neighbour is cooking something that smells so freaking good at 11pm?
I know, Fml.
Don't worry, i won't walk to her and get a share from her.
Don't worry.
Irritate me, then i will grow better.
Hah, i soon can get something out that makes your saliva drooling non-stop!
Life is so bored.
I can't wait for dec to come, I have started to save $ for my 2011 dec!
Got to spend the whole month with my soon-finishing-As-Bai! :D
I hope you always know what i mean.
When people doesn't ask for your opinion, don't voice it.
Its just annoying.
So, i shut up.
I'm always with you.
I know, Fml.
Don't worry, i won't walk to her and get a share from her.
Don't worry.
Irritate me, then i will grow better.
Hah, i soon can get something out that makes your saliva drooling non-stop!
Life is so bored.
I can't wait for dec to come, I have started to save $ for my 2011 dec!
Got to spend the whole month with my soon-finishing-As-Bai! :D
I hope you always know what i mean.
When people doesn't ask for your opinion, don't voice it.
Its just annoying.
So, i shut up.
I'm always with you.
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