感受到爱的孩子不会变坏。

This gonna be long.

I'm leaving few days after and I'm so glad that I need not to be so stressed out anymore.
What I can say is, I enjoyed teaching, I enjoyed seeing the kids turning better every moment.
I definitely like being a teacher even though sometimes I doubt myself.
I want the best for them and I hate to leave them if they wouldn't have the chance to have a teacher who truly loves them.
But how I worked during this period is definitely not what I want.

我的孩子们中，有一半来自单亲家庭。
又或者，他们即将成为单亲家长的孩子。
他们不能每天见到父母，见面了也只是吃喝玩乐。
他们去过中国澳洲新加坡，吃过我没有机会品尝的食物。
可是除了赚钱，他们不明白爸爸妈妈为什么要把他们送进安亲班。
爸爸妈妈很少和这些孩子沟通，很多小习惯是由我转告的。
曾经有旁人说 “老师你真了解这位小朋友!”，妈妈说 “当然，她每天长时间面对孩子！”
我只能笑笑，妈妈，孩子每天长时间面对的应该是您。

一些单亲家长我可以理解，我会尽我的全力帮忙照顾和教导小孩。
可是请原谅我无能为力。
我没有多余的时间和力气打开每个孩子的内心。
我何尝不想让在家感觉不到温暖的孩子爱上他们的第二个家，我又何尝不想让他们感受到除了亲生妈妈，他们还有一个像妈妈的老师在爱着他们。
感受到爱的孩子不会变坏。

我还是没有办法理解公司的制度，口口声声地教育，有多少出自真心。
我只是觉得，家长已经越来越放肆。当然，谁让他们被宠坏？
他们不知道自己的孩子程度在哪里，他们不知道自己的小孩适合怎么样的教育方法。
他们更不知道怎么当父母。
他们赚钱，用钱来驱使老师教育他们的孩子。
他们不容许差错，他们觉得付得起钱就是世界能人。
他们不知道我们很多经验不足的老师都是初生之犊，我们没有经济压力。
他们不知道我们没有很高的酬劳，他们不知道教育和金钱拉不上一点关系。
有关系，我知道，现在的社会，有钱才是成功。
他们不知道我们需要花多少心思多少时间多少爱，来好好教导不是我们的孩子的孩子。
我不是母亲，我不知道有一个孩子是什么样的感觉。
是因为这样我们比较有耐心吗。

我现在知道，孩子的态度和说话方式都是模仿爸爸妈妈学来的。
爸爸妈妈怎么可以否认孩子不好的态度？老师怎么能够说谎瞒骗家长？
如果不可以接受自己的孩子，怎么教育，那又为什么要生？
原来这些父母不知道没有人可以控制孩子的智商？
我真的担心当科技进步，父母会有机会选择最好的胚胎来繁衍后代。
那么世界会变成什么样子。

我心疼的只是孩子。

他们没能选择自己的父母，父母可以选择生而教育，或生而不教。

Mind me showing off?

I know I'm late, but I still like to show off a bit.

The two girls came rushing down from kl to give me a warm birthday celebration.
I was so happy because they would never absent each year.
I couldn't stop knowing how important I am to them. HAHA
I'd love and be with them until the day I die. :-*

And this year, another two silly girls came surprised me at my company's front door.
I was famous under the cctv since then -.-
I have got a big bear from them!
I LOVE IT!
Because I'd never need to sleep alone again thinking that I need a big bolster to keep me company.
So caring of them. Hehee.
But I just made myself available for them for like, 5 minutes?
Cruel, but I need to continue cooking or else the kids would have to starve to death.
Give both of you a kiss to express my <3 .="" and="" br="" hsien="" qi="" shan="" thanks="" ying="">

And then, my mom!
Brought a big birthday cake for me in the afternoon, showed up so suddenly that I couldn't recognized her.
It was the first ever surprise from my mom Hehee.
Kids said, 'Don't bluff teacher, you look like 28 and your mom looks like 38?' -.-
NOT EVEN A HAPPY BIRTHDAY. How angelic -.-  -.-  -.-

Okay that's it. I was happy and grateful in all ways! :)
Don't make me expect more for my next birthday please....

Don't come to me

"For me, doctors are all nerd."
People nowadays are starting to despise doctors and teachers.
I was a little sad, I have been wanting to pursue either of these years ago.
Swear to God that you won't be trusting a doctor or you won't be needing them one day.

Kids are growing but I'm leaving.
I'd be really glad if they miss me just once in a blue moon.
xx

Hard days had finally gone.

I really love myself.
I'm happy I have survived through this week, I'm glad that I'm still alive.
Well, still sound and safe, as a childcare tutor.

First bun ever in my life. Pumpkin buns with the kids' effort.

Pizzas.

Kids with their dragonflies. 

Just for your concern, I'd like to expose what I've been doing and what exactly made me feel so tired.
Below is my daily routine for this week:

8am-8.30am        --> I prepare cooking materials and I cook. (Of course, different menu for each day and I like cooking soup the most and seriously, I don't always get my job done at 8.30am)
8.30am-10.30am --> I go around in the classroom teaching the kids their homework.
10.30am-12.00pm --> Activity is carried out. Sometimes its baking bun, pizza, doing handicraft or watching video.
12.00pm-1.00pm --> Bathing and eating time. If I left my cooking job undone in the first half hour, I'd have to rush at between 10.30pm-12.00pm, running through the classroom and the kitchen.

It was not just once I made half pot of soup boiling out. -.-

1.00pm-2.30pm --> Another activity. Telling story, playing games or etc etc.
2.30pm-3.30pm --> Make the kids sleep and scare them until they keep quiet on their cushion. Cook high-tea for them, make phone calls to problematic kids' parents, do some paperwork.
3.30pm-4.00pm --> Wake them up and feed them with their high tea. Okay not feed, just they are half-awaken and I need to be more energetic to make them full-awaken,
4.00pm-6.00pm --> Send some kids to tuition class and leave some for myself. Prepare notes or exercises for them and help some other kids with their homework. (I have other students who only see me in this 2 hours and my job is to help them completing their homework.)

Normally by this time I was already half dead. And I'd be really bad temper if I'm tired and starved. I couldn't help shouting at the kids when some of them got on my nerves.

6.00pm-8.00pm --> Kids coming back and some students leaving. Let them play among themselves so they won't be 'too stress'. Receiving their complaints like 'Teacher I'm so hungry!' or 'Teacher why can't I go back early?' etc etc.
8.00pm-8.15pm --> Send all the kids away. Wash the dishes and pot and clean the kitchen, classroom like a maid. (Yeah fyi, my working hours is from 8am to 8pm. I just couldn't finish everything on time. I'm not a slow person, so... Imagine that.)

I don't have lunch break in the kids' school holiday and I found out I can now finish my meal in 10 minutes, which was so a mission impossible for me in the past. I am making myself more flexible -.-

Anyway I have hand in my resignation letter and I'm now doing something on people's behalf. I want to walk away to seriously have a good rest. Feeling so happy and relieved just having the mind that I'm leaving, even though it may be one month more.

AHH God bless me for the rest of the days!

Another good news!

Good news for you and me!
I have got UTAR's offer and course will be commenced in mid-may.
Well I'm satisfied with it and what I need to do now is resign and relax.
But its always so hard to reject someone, something and the company which I worked for 3 months.
I am still afraid of facing people's 'wtf?' face.

I didn't apply any other medical school as UTAR is so much more affordable.
I am so lazy to answer all those questions like 'why don't you apply and try their scholarship', 'do you think UTAR is safe' or 'do you know IMU or bla bla has better reputation'......................

YES I know I definitely know.
God knows there are only 1 or 2 scholarship for top achievers and to be top achievers, HAHA.
I don't know how to say, HAHA would best explain it.
For you, a happening life can de-stress you but for me, financial burden of my parents would kill me.
so yeah, I'm really lazy to answer.
You know it.

Anyway, I'm really looking forward to my amazing degree life and I know how hard it could be.
so pray for me please. ;)

Made my eyes burn

LANA DEL REY

(BLUE JEANS)

I hope I have good news for you on coming Tuesday. :)

为人师表

该怎么说可以让我的心情舒畅一些.

我很投入现在的工作.

我曾经很怕误人子弟, 没想过当补习老师打发假期时间.

偏偏在我真的闷得发慌找不到事情做的时候, 有人真的需要我.

刚开始恨战战兢兢, 现在我真的觉得我的顾虑太多了.

我在补习学院当安亲班老师, 我很欣然接受这个工作.

虽然我没有十足信心可以和小朋友沟通良好. 我自认脾气暴躁也没有耐心.

我最多是个可以压抑冲动和情绪的人.

我知道一切都不容易. 幸运地, 我喜欢挑战, 也不抗拒面对可能会失败的自己.

所以我硬着头皮, 把 "很难" 练习上手.

我相信上司满意我的表现, 至少他们示意珍惜, 也鼓励我好好为他们继续打拼.

同事们不满意薪金制度, 很多一开始的诱人其实只是哄骗手段.

我学到的东西真的太多太多.

我要学会怎么压抑自己的主见, 怎么在看见不对劲的时候还为利益着想.

我觉得自己很幸运, 我不是长期员工, 我不需要太多的心理挣扎.

我理解有教无类的重要性, 也知道一些特殊的小朋友需要耐心老师的循循善诱.

我什么都没有只有心里满满的爱可以付出

可是我没有办法在短短两个小时内好好教导这么多程度弱, 需要特别关注的小朋友.

爸爸妈妈常常很无助地求救, 希望老师可以多关注.

我可以理解, 我也愿意关注, 可是心有余而力不足.

父母要求不高, 只要小孩慢慢进步就好, 至少他可以慢慢学习.

可是亲爱的爸爸妈妈, 你们知道孩子需要的到底是怎样的教育吗?

如果不会管不会教, 可以学.

如果没有时间, 请你更注重孩子, 更在乎亲情.

如果你不愿意自己教, 只希望每天见到孩子只是共享天伦, 请不要生.

一个没有身教的老师怎么竖立好榜样?

我最讨厌看见一些很令我冒冷汗的场面.

老师无法控制自己的情绪, 脏话一句, 威胁恐吓四起, 我听见就忍不住打寒颤, 更何况是弱小的心灵?

又或者老师逃避自己不确定答案的问题, 敷衍任何小朋友的一句为什么.

甚至因为爱面子草草施舍答案.

我觉得很无奈.

记得以前我特别欣赏会认错道歉的老师, 所以我现在不吝啬我的抱歉.

记得我以前特别感恩会承认自己无法解释正确答案而四处翻查的老师, 所以我现在不管面子.

记得我以前特别喜欢为了让学生明白而解释得面红耳赤的老师, 所以我现在真的常常面红耳赤.

......可是真的不容易.

特别是当你不是老板不是经理, 还有一群人在看你有没有把事情做对的时候.

他们的对, 是为教育有五分的对, 为口袋有十分的对.

我的脑袋十分混乱, 我已经累得乱七八糟.

我还是很热血地在教导我的小朋友, 趁我还有满满爱心的时候.

我只是想说教育不应该是这样.

老师是一个人一生当中最有价值的贵人.

我很幸运, 我的生命里有太多贵人, 太多好老师.

我只能祈祷不要不要恶性循环.

我什么都没有, 只是一股信念, 一个坚持, 一点爱心.

Let's be cool.

Life is good that I don't have to worry about anything other than application.

I'm satisfied with my job and myself.
Things are getting better as I slowly find my passion in teaching the kids and to make them better.
I would say I am a good teacher, especially when they hug me like I'm their mommy. HAHA.

March is good and I can't wait for my long-awaited vacation.
You know, I have so much to say but if you are not gonna understand, I won't tell a thing.
Its a waste of time and effort to explain.
Let's be cool like that.

Oh, I'm sad when people can't be true and sincere to each other.
I wonder what kind of benefit you have got by faking a face and smile. People sense that.
I've somehow learned to be fake, and to smile like a demon.
But yeah don't worry, I'd still give out my heart to people who deserves it.

Stay young and cool, people!

Mind your own business

Most people gossip about you, they don't concern about you.

I told my kids,
Anyone can love you, as long as they have money and time.
But not everyone will expect in you, to expect, they need to trust and love first.

I knew I was reminding myself, too.

Big bruise on my thigh, small bruise in my heart.

Fell down from a staircase at my workplace.
Ouch, first time having such a big bruise on my body.
When I slipped, what in my mind was only how to protect my spine.
I tried to grip anything around me just to make sure I don't roll from the staircase.
I felt I was lucky to know how crucial it is to not hurt the spine.
It was really painful and I couldn't help thinking of you, when I need your shoulders.

I still hold on to my job when most of my colleagues hand in their resignation.
I am very clear with myself that I know I want to see the kids grow.
Its only for them.
I couldn't bear to leave them like that when I finally see some improvements.
One of the kids asked, "Teacher, have you ever thought of killing yourself?"
I didn't know what to say but I'm sure he has been thinking about this.
They are pitiful for me, as they don't have parents who are able to spend time with them.
They don't have chance to talk to their parents, everything is build on materialism.
I try not to act like an adult telling them they don't know how to appreciate, while I have to explain why would their parents act so.
Yes and again, it is my expectation that exhausted me.
I don't have any expectation on myself this time, I am learning not to.
But you know, every child deserves a right teacher to guide them.
I hope I can do it better, for their own good, not for my own career or expectation or whatever else.
I see how tough it is to be a parent, even though I haven had my own kids.
When you miss the right timing, thing will not come crawling back to you.

I didn't know why I woke up so fast.
It was like a dream but I could have make it real.
I could watch us grow and I was thinking why couldn't I be more patient.

I don't want to that independent.

My life is so full with surprises these days.

I see how people concern about me, so thanks. Lol.

I'd just mind my own business.

Have a safe flight to New Zealand, Wei vvy. 

Have fun and take care!  x)

Urgh, I insisted to get my second salary before I do anything immature.

God bless.

OH HAPPY SNAKE!

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR!

I personally don't like snake much, but I still hope God would love me in this brand new year. ;)

I can't deny that I only understand parents' wise words after I have experienced something.
Something I chose to believe that would never happened on me.
But it just did.
Aunt said, people don't necessarily treat you good even if they look up on you.
They need you, for their own good, so they look up on you knowing that you have the ability.
So its not necessarily good to show your good points all the time.
Fine.
I can only ask myself not to care so much about money and my own principle, because I can't say a thing.
I would just try my best to survive through this working period since it won't be long.
Its a lesson, for that I have learnt not to think everybody as good people, and don't think too less about your job.
Some people would suck your blood in a very polite way. Which is totally fake.
I would be more careful as protect myself is so important when there is no one for you to count on.

Lost so much personal time since I started working.
I somehow felt distance among me and my loved ones.
I don't want to see this happen again in the future, please God.

I am so greedy that I have asked so much from God when I prayed! :pp

Being a Mommy!

Oh oh, I just realized I actually survived through this first month of being a teacher!
I never thought that I'd get the chance to be so close with kids, and I never knew I'd be missing them like they are my own kids.
Honestly sometimes I think they are demons but they smiled like angels.
This melts my heart. Shit. HAHAHA.
I don't look very young and some of them slipped their mouths by calling me 'Mommy'.
Well I actually enjoy being called that.
I enjoy more when I teased them back by calling them 'Honey' and make them shy.
Heh.
Its tiring but I never regret for being their second mommy, I love how I give them warmth. :)

Its so hard to earn.
I finally see how much my parents have given me.
And I am actually greedy, I want more in the future.

Some people call you stupid, they don't know how good it feels for being able to be stupid.
How pathetic it is to be always smart.
I am only stupid when I have someone to rely on, when I have someone whom I trust.
To see me smart, show me your ugly face.
I always think if a girl is silly, she definitely is loved.
Don't you agree?

Yay, Chinese New Year is close and I'm happy! :D

Another starting point

Urgh I have so much to do and to think about.

Time is slipping away so fast that I never realized something has just left me silently.

Ah well, I still thank God because I am so blessed.

I got what I expected, just as my wish.

My happiness comes slow, now only I am starting to flood myself in this good news.

My hard work is paid off and yeah, a bright future is awaiting me!

I still believe in what I chose to believe, even if there is obstacles, there is nothing I can't beat.

University life is the starting point of life, just remember it.

Its not like how people think about, its not the end of your path. 

And I am not going to force myself anymore.

If I cannot make it, I am not gonna try too hard and hide all my weaknesses.

I am going to show you and don't be surprised if I give up halfway. 

I don't guarantee anything anymore, because this is my life. 

Sound so irresponsible.

HAHA.

Oh, have to start being kiasu and apply everything right now! 

It happened for a reason.

I think everything happens for a reason.
I don't regret at all, I have gained so much through this relationship.
No matter how short it is, I know its an opportunity God has given me to see me, properly.

I have seen me, and I want to say, thank you for showing up and passed by in my life.
It was so important that I finally know what is in me :)

Don't come yet.

Attended my company's Annual Dinner last night, people said I am lucky but well, I don't really think so.
Its so hard to stay in a circumstances like that.
I am so annoyed seeing people being so fake around.
But I can understand, sometimes they don't want to be fake, nobody would enjoy doing that?
I don't know. I just want to try my best to be as pure as possible.

I don't know whether it is a good thing to be able to see who is sincere and who is not.
And of course, I am not sure whether my judgement is correct.
Fine, I just don't want to be involved in those ugly truth, I'd just focus on my own job.

I am not used to my thick make up, and I think I was not pretty wearing that.
Lol. Its better to have my small eyes back, for now.

I never thought it comes so fast.
I am not sure what would happen, and I am really lazy to think of it now.
I expected this I could say, but at the same time I am praying this would never come.
Or maybe, never arrive this early.

As a childcare tutor.

So I am currently working as a childcare tutor, doing something which I never thought of.
I never wanted to be a teacher as my part time job.
I always think education is something really important that only high-educated people can be teachers.
Youngsters need excellent people to teach them knowledge, skills and attitude.
And I walked in to a tuition centre, simply sat down for an interview.
Gotcha!

Now I am surrounded by kids with age between 5 to 12 years old.
I cook them lunch, watch them bath, make them nap and check their homework.
For me its job of a mom.
Its fun and I am very thankful that I got to learn how to communicate with kids.
And at the same time, learn how to be a mom. Lol.
But you know, some kids are just irritating.
They bully kind teachers and lie to you in face with angelic looks.
I was trapped for don't know how many time.
Was warned by experienced teachers, don't ever believe their words.
Because kids nowadays are not so simple anymore.
Or maybe these I met are special, or I simply look really dumb.

Yeah good thing is, they forgive and forget really fast.
Seeing them laugh like there's no anything that matters make me smile for a whole day.

I guess its hard for me to not putting real emotions and love for them within this period.
I want to teach them well, I want it myself.

Happy 2013!

Happy 2013 even though I am really late! :))

Didn't have the time to blog, just wanted to share some good things.
HAHA.
I know 2013 will be definitely good to me and my wish would always come true.
I believe so much in it la Hee.