Friday, March 30, 2012

I thought love might eat me up.

I always think, do I deserve things that people offering or lending or maybe showing?
Okay let's say that I am sick, especially when I am not home, I kind of sad because I have had nobody to groan to, and I am too scare that people shows me concern & love.
I don't understand why but I can't hide this feeling.
So its like I finally have another understanding on the reason that some people reject us for helping them and loving them.

Its like no big deal & people offer help because they care about you!
Why do you scare?
Its like I am doubting myself that do I deserve that love or concern.
Of course I appreciate everything and I am truly happy whenever I am concerned as i know i am not alone.
I too definitely know that people get annoyed when I doubt myself too much.
So guess what, I will stop doubting and have all my herbal tea drank, all concern taken, all love accepted. ;p
And the best way is, repay people with your love.
Even though its kind of hard for people like me, you know I just need time.

I understand if you are afraid of loneliness, boredom, darkness, cockroaches, lizards, spirits, blood......
I don't understand at all if you're afraid of being too concerned.
Its not like love would eat you up. Hehee.


Wednesday, March 28, 2012

无奈的成长

有些人有一种魔力, 会让你掏心掏肺向他倾诉心事.
有些人有一种魔力, 会让你向他倾吐之后后悔得恨不得撞墙.
问题是, 你介意的心事已经收不回来.
他非但不帮你介意, 还有意无意嘲笑你,威胁你,甚至不小心走漏风,声宣扬你的秘密.
这下怎么办?
你只好怪自己. 谁让你不小心看人,不三思而后行?
谁让你寂寞难耐, 非得要向不合适的人吐露你介意得要命的心事?
没关系.
自此以后你会小心翼翼,会花三年的时间去相信一个人.
这也是一种成长.
一种无奈的成长.

不过多年以后, 你会忘得一干二净.
因为小时候的秘密不会再是秘密.
秘密也有期限.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

The Ugly Truth

You normally find it hard to acknowledge the truth.
Especially when it comes to people whom you never expected to carry the truth.

I better cover my eyes & shut my mind.

FTS.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Hypocrite



If washing your hand or cleaning your room too frequently when its not necessary is a symptom of obsessive-compulsive disorder, how about putting yourself in the same state of mind everyday without you able to get rid of it?


Some people don't show you how obsessive they are.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

I am lazy to think of the title.

I think loyalty is something you can apply towards anyone.
You find it hard to be loyal to your partner, you find it hard to be loyal to your best friend.
There is only one best friend in the world, like there is only one right guy for you.
I finally get to understand the loneliness when you feel like you have nobody to talk to, even though you have plenty of friends around you.
Because there is something they can never understand, no matter how hard they try.

I am afraid of tomorrow.
Perhaps the day which i am proven wrong is coming very soon.



If rain could make my mood better,
I would just let it be,
But it seems to be wrong.
As my mood turned worse...
I love, I miss the scene,
When I covered you carefully,
with my black little umbrella.

I let the rain
drop on my left shoulder,
protect you more than myself.
How afraid I am, that you'll fall sick.
I never ask for your attention.
Just hope you will always be safe and sound.

You claim yourself a superwoman
And I always want to be your man.
Now I know how tough the job is,
To protect a superwoman,
To guard her by my side.

Friday, March 16, 2012

I doubt if I can find it back.

I hate how i behaved these days like a wild woman running on the street forgetting what i am supposed to do & whom i wanted to be.
I am out of words for it but I would rather be alone for the time being.

I miss home so much that I dream of my family every night while i am trying to gain my energy back.
Who would tell me how to be me in this circumstances.
I don't even feel like being friendly and sociable and i know this made everyone here thinks i am an eccentric weirdo.
I was not like this and i am not going to be this in the future.
Its just something that happened made me so and I am simply lazy to build things up within this short time and to be honest, short-period relationship could never secured me when the long one already put me down.

Fucked up everything.

HahaHA!

It is a mid-term test season so, here's some weekend entertainment I am sharing!
Diary of A Wimpy Kid made my day, and I laughed out loud reading the book Hee :D









I have only done reading Diary of A Wimpy Kid-- The Ugly Truth and I am totally in love with it!



For my dear friends who is a little stress down there due to examination, have fun reading this cute cartoons :)

Have a nice weekends!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Friends on Earth

People says friends are family whom you choose, and you can certainly make a good choice because you have no way to pick your family.
First, I thank God so so much that HE picked a more-than-awesome family for me.
Second, I am learning by heart in choosing friends.
I know for a child to be away from home, the issue that parents worry most is always friends' influence.
That was why my parents educated me about it long ago when i was still a kid.
I guess you have the same experience too.

I always wonder, how do you pick a friend instead of picked by people?
well this happens at the same time.
So, always improve yourself is the best way to keep yourself a picker, not a picked one.
When parents said, always be friend with someone who can bring you up, someone who is a role model for you, and someone who only gives you good influence.
Oh this is like a fairy tale.
Who on earth can only influence people in a extremely positive way?
so i guess, this is the time to learn to 'take & drop'.

Seriously, it is hard for me to not to get influenced by friends whom i love.
When you put in your heart for some people, it takes you everything to trust & to get influenced.
That is why personal time is really important to get my introspection done.
I don't deny the sweetness when you are turning like your friend after you have get along with him/her for some time, but sometimes influence is not that sweet.

I used to disagree with my parents that being friend with someone who is better than us is what i should do.
This is what we call using people, hmm?
Now then i have came out with a solution, be friends with everyone, let your friends use you too if you're feeling guilty using them.
Make sure you have your own values, and most importantly, avoid using 'use', even though we are all using each other in this world.
We have a better name for it, "HELP". :)



Lastly, thank God too for sending awesome friends into my life. :)

Saturday, March 10, 2012

May the legend lasts.









3 years ago I was wearing my very own uniform, doing cases, feeling the excitement and nervousness on the spot.
It was simply amazing.
I miss those time, even though stress was always in the air, heavier than joy, friendship and many others.
From that moment, I know how exactly to be a leader, leading my team towards success.
I was not confident at all but all i can do was cheating myself and my teammates.
we encouraged each other, blamed each other, spent our time all together.
It was like a family as we ate the same food, wore the same clothes, had the same activities, and nonetheless, our common characteristic was we slept in classes a lot.
Like nothing was bigger than competition.
How much do you miss the time you could only have bread as your lunch because you had no time to enjoy your food & you were simply out of pocket money?
How much do you miss the time you can't get enough sleep as other than this biggest competition, you still need to cope with endless school work and tuition?
I miss both of them.
Even though there were countless nightmares and tears in the nights.
Every time you fall, you stand up again, reminding yourself that you can never fall again, and all you allow to happen is succeed, and 'I CAN'.
Plain pieces of paper with red 'I CAN' was the way we reminded, encouraged and supported ourselves.
Till now, this law of attraction is affecting me every now and then.



It was no way that you don't believe in fate.
5 persons in a team, a slight change would have result in a different outcome.
My girls did their job best, that was why we got 2 champions which was totally out of our expectation.
We never thought we could have gone so far.
People was supporting us, bringing us herbal tea, cheering for us during the competition, talked to us like we were the boss.
I wonder if i ever have the chance again to feel the way in my life.
No one else could understand unless you have gone through what we have gone through.
Relationship among us wasn't easy, conflict was everywhere but we went through as if we couldn't lose each other.

Ah well, missing old time makes me sad, but for once again I thank God for this.
If there was no st.john competition, I wouldn't be me.
There were amazing friends, relationship, great experiences, ups and downs, my teenage life was never too bored.
I appreciate our leaders who brought us to success and at the same time, gave us pressure like we were kid with wild hearts. :)
No them, no us. One for all, all for one.
The feeling of being kept in a history is too great, until I hope SJAM SSI can always have done the same.
All the best juniors, try what I tried, gain what I gained.

Special love to teammates,
Eunice Tham, Cheong Jia Li, Seetoh Yiling, Sharon Chong. <3
Special regards to competition-mates,
Lee Kuok Zhen, Lee Jian Wei, Dylan Soh, Neo Zhen Ying, Wang Liang Hui.



Good luck SJAM SSI. May us keep the legend.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Receive when deserve.

If God gives you what you don't deserve, what would you do?
I feel guilty for getting marks which i don't deserve, but i am happy picking up coins which do not belong to me on the ground.
Sometimes those little marks help you a lot, if you don't tell, nobody's gonna know.
I wonder if people were i, do they do the same.
I don't want to hide the fact that i used to have a second thought, but my little angel always beat my little demon.
A friend once told, its okay not a big deal, few marks is great for you, it doesn't affect others and you don't tell, they never know. Maybe they don't even care.
Yes, it is your own honesty, your personality, who has the right to care?
People doesn't even bother to despise you.
I can never forget the moment the sweetest girl in my life crying non-stop when she successfully begged some points & added few marks for her paper from teacher.
"This is shameful," she said.
I couldn't agree more.
The feeling is like you steal something from God.
People doesn't care, but you yourself can't fall asleep at night.
I can never forget this incident and so, I pray that people around me do not feel so bad if they decide to receive what they don't deserve.
I learn not to despise, anyhow its none of my business.
But of course, i respect those who respect themselves. :)

Thursday, March 8, 2012

爱情终究是经营不来的。



一个女孩问:“任何感情都是需要经营的,对吗?只是为什么不能顺其自然,对其放任自由?”
问这个问题的女孩,应该是很年轻吧?当你比现在长大些,你会明白,这个问题不必问。
感情需要经营,也要顺其自然,放任自由。至于怎样去掌握当中的分寸,是个人的天资。
然而,天资纵有多么高,也许还是敌不过缘分。爱情终究是经营不来的
我们唯一可以经营的,只有自己,唯一可以管的,也只有自己。
学者去珍惜和欣赏眼前人,便是最深情的一种经营。
爱情只能顺其自然,既然明知道管一个人太累,不如给他自由。他的自由就是你的自由。
随时可以走,但还是喜欢留在你身边,无论经过多少风波,始终爱你,那么,他才是你的。
两个彼此相爱的人,不会苦苦思量一段感情到底是要经营还是要顺其自然,因为一切都是那么自然,茫茫天地,是有一个人,觉得爱你是自然不过,也是理所当然的事。
我是自由放任派,也许不是因为我有自己想象的那么洒脱,而是我知道,千辛万苦的经营毫无意义,倒不如等待一个人,他爱你就好像你是他的天命。

----摘自张小娴《一段爱情,两个人成长》



有些事情,两个人里只有一个人明白。
也许另一个也会明白,只是这个明白来得太晚。
我只是想说,在爱情里,我也是自由放任派。

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Interesting life.

When you realized you have transformed into someone you don't really know, what would you do?
It freaks me out.
I guess its not that I don't really know me, i don't even feel like knowing.
Changes is scary especially when you already realized that you changed before people tells.
I am not sure why this is scarier than people tells you before you realized, maybe self-awareness is always something small & negligible, for most of the people.

I know judgement always tie you up that you can't be your ownself.
What if that judgement is made of someone you care and love so much, what do you do?
I get regret so easily every time i make a judgement.
No matter whom i judge.


People who gossips or maybe, talk much usually make a lot of judgement on people.
That they never realized.
Otherwise, what is that that keep their mouth open and spout saliva on others' faces?
and they don't allow people to comment on them. How interesting.

Yeah, nah i know life is hard.
but luckily we always have interesting scene around us.

God bless.

日久见人心

I feel glad as I no longer care of what some people say, and this set me free.
I used to care what all people say.

I did something to my hair and this was not good.
I was just getting sick of my frizzy hair that trimming is not enough anymore.
So, whatever, hair gets longer.
I will eventually get what i want in the end.

A-level is as hard as rock.
I am using my head and brain to bang on it.

I always learn to love what i own even though i hate them much at first.
But this time, i can't.

Everything is so annoying.
Inti is a bad choice.