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I didn't know why it is so hard to be a human being.
The more I want things to be perfect, the more fucked up I am.
Not only you, despite the everyday routine of telling myself I am not that sucks, I am also disappointed with myself.

Sometimes people deny that they changed, perhaps they are afraid to face it.
I denied too.
And fine, I think I have, and I am not sure whether I am changing to better or worse.
I didn't know who to hear from because I simply cannot trust my own judgement anymore.
I tried not to see everything as a big deal, but I can only do it successfully if I am busy dead.
Too bad I am not, for now.
I am turning into some bitch whom I used to despise.
I tried to learn from my old mistakes, but it seems I am making new mistakes again.
This is not I wanted, of course. Can anyone teach me how not to make mistake at all?
How not to hurt anyone, how not to make people disappointed, how to blend in with everyone?
How to make everyone around you happy, how to compromise when there's no win-win, how to be happy and rational at the same time?

People says you don't need to explain to someone who understands you.
I am the one who never tried to be understanding.

I don't know why I am getting more fucked up as I grow.
Like I am not good in dealing everything anymore as I used to be.
So, am I growing or what? F.